Adjusting to Single Life After a Breakup: Improving Physical Wellness to Gain Confidence as a Single Person



Adjusting to Single Life After a Breakup: Physical Wellness

The big new development in my life is that I am newly single! I was in an almost 5 year relationship with my high school sweetheart. Now that we are in college and becoming adults, we really began to form different goals and life preferences. Ultimately, it was time to live as individuals for a while and see where life takes us! He was obviously my best friend (besides of course my best lady friend, Grace), so the hole in my heart and in my life is huge. I am very sad that it was time to say goodbye, but I am sooo ready and excited for what is to come! 

I am an introvert, so it is easier for be to enjoy being single than for most. My friends are all around me, going through breakups and feeling so lonely and upset. (Don’t get me wrong, I am still very upset, and I do miss his words and company.) For that reason, I wanted to share this journey through singledom with all of you, and hopefully my advice helps others get through the hell that is a breakup! Your company through this journey will also keep me strong, confident, and ready for what is to come. Here we go, back to single life!

I have decided to make this a series and model it off of my favorite thing—the wellness wheel! The Seven Weeks of Single will highlight how improving your physical, emotional, environmental, social, intellectual, financial, and spiritual health will help you to heal from your broken relationship while truly enjoying your time as a single person. 

Being single is not a sad or bad thing! Just because you are single DOES NOT mean that you are alone! It just means that your life is all out of whack, and you have to learn how to be single again. This is possible and can even be fun

Not to mention that we all need to be healthy as individuals in all areas above in order to be in a healthy, strong, constructive relationship; obviously not perfect, but at least healthy and mature! I know that in this relationship—while I was healthier than before we dated—I still had a lot of growth to accomplish, and so did he. Now we have that chance; the chance to become better individuals so that our next relationship is better, healthier, and stronger whether we come back together one day and give it another shot or we move on and date other people! If that isn’t something to fight for, I do not know what is.

There are a few rules if you want to start the Seven Weeks of Single challenge:

1 - NO TEXTING OR CONTACTING YOUR EX... EVER! If you feel the urge, throw your phone across the room (Just kidding...just shove it in a drawer and go to a different room for at least an hour or until the urge is gone.) You need to detox! They were a huge part of your life, and saying goodbye to that can be hard and painful! 

If you broke up with your significant other, take responsibility for your actions and give them the respect of space. You need space too! Breaking up with someone is not easy; give yourself the respect of space. 

If you were the one who was dumped, contacting them will not make them want you back. Odds are it will just annoy them. Remember that it was probably hard for them to hurt you like that. Do not force them to hurt you more by attempting to be a part of their life again! Have some self respect: you are a catch! Act like it!

2 - Some breakups are temporary; treat yours like it is permanent! Like I stated above: you need to detox. It is natural for you to want the other person back. You are not in a good enough state of mind to be making that decision!! Give yourself this seven weeks of self improvement and self love.

 If by the end of this challenge you still feel like they are the one for you, then take a minute to evaluate how you have been doing. Do you feel confident and happy as a single person? Great! Then go ahead and start a dialogue and see where it goes! Do you still feel insecure, beat down, empty, and are missing them all day every day? My friend, you need to restart the seven weeks! Remember that you broke up for a reason.  Maybe that reason can be fixed with some time to yourselves to improve and reevaluate your lives separately, but you have to be ready for that not to be the case.

3 - Keep this journey focused on YOU! This is about your healing and your improvement and happiness! We are not pining after our ex around here! Be sad and lonely and upset if that is how you are feeling, but do not let those emotions hold you back. If you feel like crying, give yourself 10 minutes of tears and then go do something productive and constructive. Allowing yourself to wallow in misery will not help you. I am not saying that you cannot feel sad--it is important to recognize and embrace your feelings rather than push them down--just don't allow that sadness to hold you back from a better life.

This also applies to Tinder and just dating in general. It is not healthy or constructive to jump into another relationship or rebound. I am not telling you not to mingle, but take at least seven weeks to yourself as a single person! DO NOT make the mistake of starting dating again before you are a fully healed and confident person, or you will find that your next relationship fails for probably similar reasons. 


The first post of this series will be all about Physical Wellness which has to do with our physical activities, what foods we eat, and how we care for our body.  

Here are my tips on how improving your physical wellness can help you adjust to single life with finesse:

1 – Get Ready Every Morning

Girl Putting on Eyeliner in the Mirror

Breakups are tough and generally leave one feeling insecure and unwanted. You have to remind yourself every day that you are a catch, and one of the best ways to do that is to make sure you look your best. 

I am the kind of person that wakes up right before class, throws on some leggings and a sweatshirt, and speed walks to class. This morning I was the kind of person who wakes up, eats some breakfast while prayer journaling, and then listens to confidence boosting music while doing my makeup and choosing a cute outfit—all with time to spare!

I like doing makeup; it is relaxing and artistic. It is important as a disclaimer though to remember that you are beautiful and perfect without makeup, so make sure you are only using makeup if you find it fun! Experiment with natural looks! It is time for you to learn how to love your face as is, and you want the next person you date to be introduced to your natural face, flaws and all :). 

If you are one of those people that wears a lot of makeup every day to cover up, try toning it down for these seven weeks and see how you feel at the end. That is my challenge to you!

If you are one of those people that never touches your face and hates makeup, implement a skin care routine with all natural cleansers, toners, and moisturizers to improve the health and look of your naked skin. That is my challenge to you! 

Beyond makeup, I washed my hair and made sure it was looking healthy and how I like it. I also wore an outfit that makes me feel cute and sporty. Get ready enough in the morning that you like what you see in the mirror. If that means doing nothing, then you are a step ahead of the rest of us!

I have put together a little Pinterest Board with some ideas and inspo for myself. You guys can check it out and use it too! 

2 – Workout Every Day


              Working out regularly is a major confidence boost! Looking in the mirror and loving what you see is so important. I have lots of areas on my body that could use more muscle and less fat, and I can hardly run a mile... I enlisted my friend as my gym buddy. We went right after our first class of the day, and I have felt amazing. I know I will be sore tomorrow, but that pain will be worth it! The pain that we go through usually is worth it, so think of that fact as you navigate the pain of this breakup.

               Another disclaimer, our bodies are always beautiful no matter size or shape, but there is a certain confidence that comes with health. When you workout, make sure you are working out to be stronger, healthier, and more capable rather than to just to be skinny, lighter, or smaller.

               Working out also releases some amazing happy chemicals in the brain. With less physical touch and affection in these coming weeks, you will need those endorphins to keep you happy!

               My challenge to you: workout every day for the next 7 weeks, but DO NOT look at the scale once! Work toward a feeling, not a weight! Our bodies are healthiest when they are fit, so fight for that. Do any workout that you like. Maybe you just want to go on long walks with your dog. Maybe you like to rock climb. Maybe you are a gym rat. Do something active that you love every day, that is my challenge to you!

Here is a link to another Pinterest Board of mine with workout ideas! I highly suggest checking this link out and the link above for some workout inspiration that does not necessarily include the gym.

3 – Eat Healthy


               During a breakup, many of us reach for the pie, the ice cream, the alcohol. Stop reaching! Instead, find a recipe that sounds good, and make yourself a delicious, balanced meal. I promise you will feel so much better making healthy food that you can eat a lot of rather than eating that entire pie….

               Cooking for yourself is an amazing way to treat yourself and to spend quality time with yourself. You need to relearn how to function alone. I lost my cooking buddy. Rather than fighting the loneliness, I am going to treat myself to some great food, practice a skill that I love, and spend time loving on myself and relearning myself.

               I like to cook twice a week and then eat the leftovers for the few days after that. I also like French press coffee, delicious organic teas, and fresh fruits and veggies. Surround yourself with good food and snacks for the next 7 weeks, that is my challenge to you. You deserve the best. Here is a Pinterest Board of healthy recipes to get you started!

               ***As I was writing this, my best friend brought me a feel-better slice of pie… You best believe I will be enjoying this piece of pie after my healthy Asian stir fry that I am making tonight! Enjoy dessert in these coming weeks, just do not binge ANYTHING!

4 – Get a Hair Cut


afro, curly hair
               This is one of the oldest tricks in the book, and for good reason! After my last breakup, I cut my hair into a lob. It was such a change, and I loved it. It made me feel like a new person, a stronger person, an independent person. If you like your aesthetic, don’t change it! If you feel like a change would feel good, go cut your hair!

               My best friend got an ear piercing after her last breakup, so if that is more your style, then by all means go ahead. Maybe you want to dye your hair or get eyelash extensions.

               Explore a new aesthetic, that is my challenge to you! It can be fun. Maybe it will be a phase, and you will forget about it in a few weeks, but maybe you will discover a new piece of single you that you enjoy! I, personally, am loving my lob and will be keeping it around for a while!

5 – Spa Day Once a Week





               Self care is such an important part of physical wellness. A facial, hair mask, or detox bath can really help you rejuvenate. The stress of being single and losing your best friend will probably take its toll, resulting in acne and puffy eyes. Nurture yourself!

               I have one shift as an EMT a week—sometimes two. I like to do my spa day the day after. Being an EMT can be messy, dealing with vomit, blood, and the occasional poop inspection. Not to mention, some places we go to retrieve patients are cleaner than others. It really helps me feel like I am washing away the mess of the day before. Spa days help you wash away the mess of your broken relationship...embrace that rejuvenation!

               I highly suggest mixing up a facial and a hair mask to use while taking a long and relaxing detox bath! I do not have a bath currently, so I do a hair mask and facial while I watch a show or movie. I also use a sugar scrub, essential oils and lotion, and fix up my nails. Pampering yourself and spending time with yourself is so important as you adjust to single life. You are no longer being pampered by another person, so take this opportunity to learn to pamper yourself.

               One “spa day” a week, that is my challenge to you! Maybe you do not want to do a DIY spa day; go ahead and treat yourself to one in town! Take a friend and work on your social wellness too! (Although those are for another week ;) ) Here is another Pinterest board with more ideas!

6 – Walk Everywhere You Can

Walking, Shoes, Converse, Freedom, Walk, Activity
               I am a student, so I walk most places anyways, and it is so therapeutic. Walking through the streets that my ex and I have so many memories can be tough, but it is so important to be out in the world as an individual. I walk to class, to EMT meetings, to coffee dates, etc.

It is a great way to get a little extra exercise and stretch out my sore muscles from my earlier workout. It is also really nice to be out in nature. Nature is so soothing and refreshing. Right now, the cloudy fall weather is beautiful and relaxing. 

Finally, it is a great way to leave yourself time to think and debrief. Throughout this process, constantly be checking in with yourself. What do you need? How are you doing? Think about what is next for you. Daydream about your future someone. Plan out your week. Give yourself the freedom to think, be sad, and reflect on these walks. Covering up the pain is unhealthy. Embrace the pain, loneliness, and heartbreak you feel. Think about it, contemplate it, and adjust your life accordingly—that is my final challenge to you this week!


  
Whether your breakup was yesterday, weeks ago, months ago, or years ago,  follow along on this road to healing with me! We can all do this together. We are not broken. As we make our bodies stronger this week, we will be able to embrace and use that strength to get through this hard time. Confidence is key, and I promise you that wellness will bring you the most pure and true confidence.

UPDATE: Here is the post for week 2 if you are itching for more strategies to enjoy your singledome! And here is week 3, all about improving environmental wellness to help old memories fade!

Send this post to a single friend and go through the challenge together! And don't forget to subscribe or follow us on social media for a notification of when the next part of the challenge is posted! You've got this!

Comment down below how you use physical wellness to get through hard times! 

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