Learning How to be Single Again: Improving Emotional Wellness to Finally Move On

Week 2 of the 7 Weeks of Single Challenge!

Learning how to be single again can be a struggle. We spent last week regaining confidence in ourselves by improving our physical wellness. This week we are getting ourselves emotionally used to being single again. It is possible to be happy and single, and here is how!
Week 2 is all about nurturing your emotional wellness. I don’t know about you, but my emotions are roller-coastering around like mad. One minute I am on top of the world—so excited for what is next, and the next minute I am remembering one of our inside jokes. It is fine to feel like that; honestly guys, it would be troubling if you did not feel like that! This week, we are going to conquer those emotions. We still want to feel whatever emotions we are feeling, but this week we will work on shifting those emotions to be constructive rather than hold us back!

Reflections of the Last Week

Gaining Confidence as a single person

Alright guys, congratulations on making it to week 2! For me, Seven Weeks of Single: Week 1 had lots of ups and downs. If you haven't read through week one yet, hit this link and catch up and then meet back here! Getting ready every morning has really helped me to feel good about myself every time I walk out the door. Additionally, working out every day was an amazing outlet for my feelings. Some days, when I was feeling especially angry or frustrated, I was able to push myself and relieve that stress. Other days, when I was in a low and feeling sadder, working out really helped me to liven up and rediscover my fire!

My spa day was so relaxing and needed and truly provided for some great reflection time about what I deserve. We all deserve a relationship with someone that helps us feel relaxed and loved. It is really nice to be able to treat myself to that good time.

The dinner I made was really good! It was a fried rice with a twist, and I felt great about what I ate last week for snacks. I will admit, cooking alone was really hard for me! I thought that I would be able to just enjoy the process as cooking is a hobby of mine that I used to do alone all the time. I discovered that cooking with him and eating what we made together was more important to me than I realized. I think that it will take a few weeks to get used to enjoying cooking on my own again.
Finally, walking everywhere was great for the most part! Being out in nature was soothing and refreshing. I will say, I had some fear that I would run into him. (Remember, part of the rules of this challenge is to keep your distance!) As you know if you follow our Instagram, I went to some coffee shops this week to promote my social wellness in this kind of lonely and isolating time which were close to where he works. Luckily, our schedules are different enough that I was inside the coffee shop with my relaxing tea and studying when he was driving to work. I also walked to class everyday and just when I needed some time to think and reflect. 

My Challenges for Week Two

1 – Journal Your Feelings!

Journal with gold hearts, pink flowers, pen and sharpener

Journaling after a breakup helps to put your emotions to words. I dug an old journal out from my closet and just started journaling when my thoughts were swimming around like crazy. It is super important to process everything that we are thinking right now. Writing out your emotions and all of your memories and thoughts and future goals and aspirations is a great way to process and progress. We are currently experiencing the 7 stages of grief. Obviously that looks different for each individual person, but knowing that is happening can help you sift through your emotions, see where you are at in your healing, and take action based on the stage you are in. Writing about what stage of grief you feel you are in is also a great prompt to get our feelings flowing in your journal. 

My signal to start journaling is a little pit in my stomach. Right then, I sit down and free write everything that comes to mind for roughly 10-15 minutes. At first I needed to journal 5 or 6 times a day to process my thoughts and emotions. Lately I am down to one long session before bed every night. It is therapeutic and kind of fun to look back on my thoughts from even the beginning of the week to see just how much I have improved and healed even in this short time. Journaling through a breakup is a must! Post breakup journaling can be tough for some people. Here are some journaling prompts for breakups and other ideas that may help you get started!

If you find that you like journaling a lot, here is a previous post I wrote on health journaling. It is a great way to continue the Seven Weeks on Single even after you finish this challenge all on your own. Check it out if you like this format of self healing! 

Journal for at least 15 minutes every day; that is my challenge to you!

2 – Talk About Your Feelings

A guy and girl with coffees

We all process our breakups differently. I do pretty well with what is going on now because I have a great support system, faith in God to keep me hopeful and focused on great things in the future, and I am introverted, so I crave social interaction less. I have friends that do not handle breakups well. They end up feeling depressed, rejected, and like nothing will ever be ok again. If this is you, maybe consider going to counseling. Going through a breakup may seem like a dumb reason to go to counseling, but really a breakup can be traumatic and is definitely life-changing! I have friends that go to counseling during breakups to process their emotions and learn different coping mechanisms.

For me, going to coffee and regularly debriefing with friends or family helps keep me grounded and looking at the breakup with a good light. If you cannot afford counseling or are uncomfortable with counseling, text all of your friends and plan conversations with them! I call my best guy friend on the phone once a week to talk about it. My best friend who brought me the pie last week comes by almost every day to see how I am doing and what I am feeling. I call my mom about twice a week, my dad twice a week, my sister every other day, and I meet one of my old friends for coffee before church every Sunday. All of these people help me stay positive and process my complex emotions.

Plan at least one coffee date, lunch date, breakfast date, or dinner date with a friend or family member this week; that is my challenge to you!

3 – Give Yourself Affirmation and Support Daily

"You Are Beautiful" Spraypainted on a brick wall

I complete this using two strategies. When I start to feel down, like I am not good enough, or like I will be lonely for a while I play confidence-building music that pumps me up, reminds me that I am a queen, and reminds me that I deserve better than he gave me. I have all of my pump-up breakup songs on a playlist that you guys can find here. The songs are all pretty sassy, but I find that fuels my fire! I, personally, would rather be a little mad, feeling like I am all that, and full of the fire to move on than depressed and crying at all of the sad breakup songs out there.

I do have a friend that hates my breakup playlist. She prefers the sad songs. She likes to cry and reflect and release all of the pain. If that works for you, then go ahead! If you are like me and like the fire, then help yourself to my playlist and comment down below any songs you think I should add!

Second, I like to change my phone background to an inspirational quote about singledome each Sunday. He used to be my background photo. Now, it is something constructive and fueling. The one on my phone right now says, “be the person you want to have in your life.” I love that! I need to focus on myself rather than on who he was, what went wrong, or who I might end up with next. I can only be in a constructive and healthy relationship when I am the kind of person I would be proud to date. Here is the link to my Pinterest board where I save my new background quote each Sunday. You can steal and use mine or find your own! Whichever you prefer! I have a friend who would rewrite or paint quotes on paper and put them all over her walls. That is an option too!

Listen to pump up music and surround yourself with affirmations every day; that is my challenge to you!

4 – Clear Out Your Phone and Stay Off Social Media!!

Girl holding phone

The very first thing that I did after our breakup was clear out pictures of him on my wall and on my phone. Anything that you visit on your phone on the regular should not have any traces of your ex left. I had my friend switch up what Facebook photos show first on my profile, change my relationship status, change his nickname on my phone, unfollow his snapchat, mute his Instagram accounts, etc. You need to purge. No looking at his or her snapchat stories, Insta stories, Facebook photos or anything. Everything on social media is fake. We put on our best face so that other people see our best. From experience I know that if I see pictures of him hiking, partying, or just relaxing in his room, I am going to feel like he is unaffected by our breakup. That would really hurt me to think and feel! It is much more important that I focus on my healing than know what is going on in his life.

Additionally, don’t do any of that idiotic trying-to-make-him-jealous-by-posting-pics-with-other-guys thing. That is so dumb. You will just start to obsess over if he saw it, if he was affected by it, what he is going to do about it. Do not waste your time! Do not aimlessly scroll on social media for hours either. You are bound to see something on there that reminds you of your ex which will bring you down, and then temptation to stalk them is much greater when their profile is only a few clicks away. Just stay off social media. Take a 7 week sabbatical. If you are scrolling on Insta, then, to be honest, you are wasting your life! Find something actually productive to do! Go spend time with a real human being! Go do something you love! Go outside! Literally anything is better for you than scrolling social media.

Stay off social media; that is my challenge to you this week!

5 – Spend Time With Animals

Jack russel terrier in a park

I love to go to the animal shelter once a week when I am going through tough things. Nurturing an animal is so good for you! It releases lots of happy chemicals in the brain. Additionally, those animals need love and attention. They are all in kennels all day long! Giving them attention and reaping the benefits emotionally is truly a gift.
If you have a dog or cat of your own, spend time with them every day doing something special. That can be going on an adventure around town with them or cuddling them while watching a show. There is a reason emotional support animals exist! If you are lucky enough that you can adopt a dog or cat, that can be a great option too! I know a few people that adopted cats after their breakups. Having something to nurture and spend time with every day truly allows us to fill the void. Only do that if you have the means and want the pet for more than just company after your breakup!  I will not be adopting a dog because my dad would kill me… so the animal shelter is my jam this time around!

Here is a past post I wrote on the health benefits of dogs, check it out for more info on the many plus sides to having furry friends in your life :), and here are some great ideas for adventures to go on with your dogs!

Spend time with the animals in your life this week; that is my challenge to you!

6 – Relearn Your Hobbies!

a pile of unique buttons

I used to have so many hobbies that I kind of let fall to the background. I was a major bookworm. I could go through two or three novels in a day. Obviously as a college student I no longer have the time for that kind of investment…but I can take a trip once a week to the library to pick up a good book! I also used to knit a lot. I think that I will definitely casually start a few things here and there and knit for at least a few hours a week. I also was into painting for a while. That is an expensive hobby…but one or two paintings a month is not unheard of! Take the time to make note of the things that you used to love and rediscover those passions! I also loved skiing a lot. I now have the freedom to take a few weekend ski trips to the mountains in the area. I will definitely be exploring that side of me again! Finally, I love to sing. I want to try and find new ways to incorporate voice into my life beyond singing in the shower…. These are the parts of you that are interesting and unique to new people that you meet! I know that my hobbies when I was dating my ex kind of just became the things that we did together. That is fine, but now I am on my own again, and I have to rediscover the things that make me an individual without reminding me all the time that I miss his company. Here are lists of hobbies to try if you are starting from scratch!

Rediscover at least one of your hobbies this week; that is my challenge to you!

7 – Serve Your Community!

An Ambulance

This one may be the most important. The best way to heal emotionally is to help other people heal from their problems and crises. During a breakup in high school, I volunteered at the local homeless shelter, the food bank, a women’s shelter, the animal shelter, etc. It was an amazing outlet, and it really puts your situation into perspective. So many people are going through crazy things daily. To be honest, we are lucky that all we are going through is a breakup! As a college student and certified EMT, I volunteer at the local fire department once or twice a week. I also go to the animal shelter once a week to help out like I mentioned above. Finally, I have a few friends that are going through hard times and uncomfortable breakups. I can help them by being there, planning adventures with them, and listening to their feelings. Helping other people really does end up helping me heal! Additionally, there is no better way to meet good quality people and potential new significant others down the road than to involve yourself in some great causes that you care about! Here are some service project ideas if you do not know where to start.

Find one cause in your community that you care about and schedule a time that you can go and help out; that is my challenge to you this week!

Week 3 is up! Check it out here! 

Guys, good luck with this coming week! You can do it! We have made it through one, and we can make it through all the others. So far we have begun honing our physical strength and loving on our own bodies, and this week we are working on shifting our outlook on the everyday to be more hopeful and happy! We have so much to be happy about! Send this post to a single friend, share it to your social media, and don't forget to subscribe to our page or to our social media for the rest of the series!